Why I Didn't Change My Last Name And Why I Regret Getting Married

This really doesn't have anything to do with living free from chemicals, but I thought I'd blog on the topic anyways.

I am married.

I didn't change my last name.

Did you know that over 92% of women change their last names when they get married?  Why?  I don't understand the logic behind it.

There are many reasons why I didn't change my last name.  One of the many reasons is because my last name defines who I am.  When I give up my last name, I give up everything that I have worked for in the past 22 years.  Your last name is part of your identity and I wasn't ready to give that up just because I got married.

As mentioned above, 92% of women change their last names.  I am so sick of the cultural obligations that we are pushed to follow through with. Why is it that women are pushed to change their last names?  What about men?  What happened to equality?  Why isn't there any push for men to change their last name?  What if the man and woman hyphenated their names?  Would that be more acceptable?  It sounds like a bigger pain to me but would that make them more unified?  Why can't people just realize that they are their own person and keep their own last name as it was intended?

Someone once said to me that it would confuse the children.  I think kids have a lot more to worry about than a mom who teaches them to think for themselves instead of being a follower.


The second point is that I regret getting married.  I didn't even want to in the first place and I am disappointed in myself for giving in to the peer pressure.  It was mostly my family that wanted me to get married since we had kids.  I was sick of the constant asking and nagging when we are going to get married.  I tried putting it off for as long as possible thinking that they'd stop asking, but they never did.  We wanted to do common law marriage, but unfortunately it is still illegal in Wisconsin.

So here I am, for the last five years, tied to the state with a contract I signed.  When you sign a marriage license you are contracted to your husband AND to the state.  Once you sign that marriage license your children become property of the state.  You no longer own your kids.  You are still able to raise them and maintain custody of them, but they aren't legally yours anymore.  I actually thought about just getting divorced but unfortunately, once you sign the marriage license, it is too late to go back.  Even if you do get divorced, your contract is simply modified, but it is still in place.  Instead of having a contract between you, your husband and the state, it becomes one between you and the state.

It is a twisted trinity, with the state on top instead of God.  That is not how it was ever intended to be.  Even if you do get married in a church, by a pastor, they still put the state on top.

It makes me sick to my stomach thinking about it and I really wish I would have never followed through with it.  If you are thinking about getting married, rethink the decision before you do.